Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
