so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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