I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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