Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
