I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
