Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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