Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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