My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
