I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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