I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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