I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
