She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
