Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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