im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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