Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
