Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
