He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
