Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize