My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
