my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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