You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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