Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
