I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
