I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
