Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
