I faked an abortion last night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
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