and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
