The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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