Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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