Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
