I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
