i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
