my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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