this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
