yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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