Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
