In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize