I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just has baby written all over it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize