there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
