We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
