As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
