You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
