the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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