life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
