Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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