He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
