before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
