I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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