You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
