Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
