He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
