Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
