It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
