I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
