I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
