Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
