So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Randomize
