you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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