How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
