i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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