The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
