I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
