just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
