Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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