do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
