Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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