so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
