Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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