Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
