I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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