I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
