Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
